Let me start with some bare faced honesty; I'm not happy, far from it. It's been over two weeks since my last run and I'm feeling it. I've lost my high. I'm grouchy, I'm moody, I shout at kids and I've made my 7 year old brother cry; I'm miserable and doesn't the world know it! (p.s. he cried because I told him he couldn't come back to my house after he flooded my bathroom for the second time!)
Running is my drug; I'm stressed; I run, I'm worried; I run, I'm annoyed; I run, I'm fed up, anxious, depressed, you got it; I run. Swimming doesn't do it for me, driving doesn't do it for me, it used, but it doesn't do it for me, even chocolate isn't hitting the spot right now! So let's just say I am loosing it slightly! The one thing that has given me any kind of pleasure is this diet; so far I have lost 6.2lbs and nearly 8"! I've been picking more healthy options, eating less in terms of portions and sizes and sticking to fruit to snacks in the day and limiting myself to one small chocolate bar in the evening. The key thing is that I seriously reduced my carb intake. Instead of having rice or pasta with meals I've piled on the veg. My lunch of a baguette and butter has been switched for soup, an omelette or poached eggs. Okay, I've had nights where I've eaten a whole Easter egg (tonight for instance), I sat at my desk stressed and devoured two packets of crisps back to back, but on the whole I've felt good about what I've eaten and not felt that I've been starving myself. I'm currently around 10st 5lbs, my ideal weight is about 9st 12-13lbs. If I could get there I'd be happy. There is a school of thought (or a few runners I've been talking to) that think I could go as low as 8st 7lbs... That doesn't sit right with me, if it happens through my training then it happens, but I don't feel comfortable aiming for that. I'm quite curvaceous and I like being curvaceous.
The real point is that I don't like dieting, I mean who does? I just knew that I couldn't not look at my diet whilst I was off my feet. I've done that know. I know I wasn't eating right, now I can see how to correct it and possibly maintain it (not quite so strictly) when I can start running again. And that is the ultimate question when can I start running again. In my heart I want to get out there now; today was a beautiful day I would have loved to go out for a nice long run, but I did a core workout instead. On Wednesday I'm at the physio, not the same physio I've been seeing but my tried and trusted physio Zoe, I'm hoping she has good news; my ankle doesn't feel strong; it feels weak, but I need to start strengthening it and the longer I stay off my feet the more worked up and stressed I'm going to get. I miss logging my training on dailymile, I miss going to the gym; I miss swim sessions with the team - I'm going back to those this week, I need to, but I really, really, really miss running!
Tomorrow, I'm baking more cupcakes, their not helping the diet, but who cares? They help my mood!
Weight: 66kg 10st 5.2lbs
Chest: 77.5cm 30.5"
Bust: 91.5cm 36"
Waist: 68.5cm 27"
Hips: 94cm 37"
Thighs: L 57cm 22.4" R 57cm 22.4"
Arms: L 29cm 11.5" R 28cm 11"